I don't know why I'm smiling...

Wow, so last night I slept for 16 hours pretty much straight through. Then I took a nap this afternoon for almost another 4 hours. I'm seriously going to try and call my sleep doctor this week because I should *not* be sleeping this much!

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Anyways, now for my real bloggy for today:

Don't ask me why but I'm really kinda at peace with the situation with "the boy" right now. Yesterday I caught myself just smiling kinda goofy while thinking of him... Even though he said he was going to come and see me "soon" before he left for rehab and the last time I've heard anything from him was on Halloween I'm just...calm. I know there are three basic options for what happened.

1.) He went overboard knowing he's about to go into rehab and he od'd, got in an accident, etc.

• Obviously this would be incredibly horrible but if that's what happened I will never know.

2.) He decided not to go to rehab and is still using.

• If that's the case I can't have anything to do with him anyways.

3.) He went to rehab without saying goodbye.

• While that would be sad, in a way I can understand.

The first two options of course mean never seeing him again, the last however does have some options of hope. I don't feel like I'm blindly holding on to the possibility of a relationship...I'm not going to put my own life on the back burner waiting for him, but part of this calm is a sense of knowing that I will see him again. I know that a lot of my thinking on the situation has to do with past relationships with addicts/users. Not just romantic relationships but friends and even family. I know that when someone is using they're not concerned about anyone but themselves. Promises they've made, obligations, the "right" thing to do...none of that matters to someone who's more concerned about when they'll get their next drink and how to numb the pain.

So here I am smiley and just kinda moving along with my life. Because here's the thing - while everyone thinks I've got my shit together, truth is I don't. And maybe, crazy as it all seems, I can get my shit together while whoever it is I'm meant to be with gets their shit together and then we'll come together with our nice clean shit ;)