Super Lameness!

Of course a frickin snow storm came in last night. Ruined my day.

No, I didn't lose my power or wreck my car or have some horrible weather related incident.

But I did meet what seemed to be a pretty awesome guy on the bus on the way in to work Monday morning. And that cute, charming guy wanted to meet me outside my work at 7pm. And then there was a flipping blizzard.

I know his first name and what area he lives in. He knows my name and what building I work in. We didn't exchange phone numbers.

I stayed at work until 7 and walked outside into the snowpocalypse. I looked around, but as I expected, he was nowhere to be seen. I was lucky enough that when I got to my bus stop the 510 was right there waiting for me - as it apparently had been for almost an hour!

So, today I posted ads in Missed Connections and I Saw U. Maybe since he knows where I work and what time I usually get off he'll just magically show up some day next week...hopefully. The conversation was easy, and most importantly there was the little hint of a spark from the moment I sat down next to him. Too bad I didn't meet him on the way home - after a 5 hour bus ride we'd have probably known *everything* about each other!

Meh.

So I had my first date with the guy tonight. He doesn't even get a good nickname like every other guy I've had even only one date with. Mainly because he was boring.

He was nice enough, and there weren't really any lulls in the conversation...there just wasn't any chemistry on my side. There was no spark. He was very...plain. He had a pretty bad comb-forward (as in back to front instead of across). He was clearly at least 3" shorter than he said he was. Which, frankly, is really effing annoying. I honestly don't care how tall a guy is - my high school boyfriend was several inches shorter than me. But don't tell me that you're 6'1" and then think I won't be able to figure out you're really 5'11". I'm 5'7" and I was taller than you and I sure as hell wasn't wearing 7" heels!

There were a few points in the conversation where I just realized we were from two different places. At one point I mentioned a guy I know and his partner. He interrupted me and said "Business partner or...partner..............partner?" You could tell he was pretty uncomfortable with a partner partner situation. He also talked about politics and that his only problems with politicians are with their moral issues. Like, the things that bothered him the most about George W. was that he did coke and didn't serve his National Guard time. I'm sorry, but there are a helluva lot more things that went wrong with that administration!

He also doesn't like to dress up for Halloween. Thinks more women should wear miniskirts in Seattle. Has never been inside a Starbucks.

I just felt like we came from two different worlds - he'd make a nice friend but definitely not boyfriend material.

Cold!

Well this is going to be a short blog tonight because there is a Winter Storm Warning going on right now - my lights are flickering and I definitely want to be offline before the power goes completely out. Plus, I have to wake up at *5AM* tomorrow for work! Craziness! I am definitely going to need a few extra shots of caffeine before my date tomorrow night. That's right, the guy I've been talking with from okcupid and I are going out tomorrow for dinner. I'm feeling pretty positive about it, but do have a few reservations. I'm not used to dating and do have several "quirks" that don't fit in to the modern dating world. (This might be where sissy needs to cover her eyes and say la la la) Basically, when compared to today's single women - I'm a prude. That is, until I'm in a significant relationship. I can honestly say that I've never slept with someone that I didn't love. I'm comfortable in my sexuality and can talk and joke about it freely. However, I've discovered that I have to be very clear with someone I'm dating that "it" just plain isn't going to happen within a set number of dates. It's up to the guy to decide if he wants to wait for me to be ready or isn't that patient and just wants to call it quits. So, that's my worry with this guy. He's already made a few sexual innuendo jokes and I know those are pretty easy to make through email and text so maybe he's just a little too comfortable that way. My dating profile does very clearly state that I am only interested in serious dating and ltr and have zero interest in casual sex...so, hopefully it all goes well and he's just trying to break the ice with some not quite inappropriate comments. I mean if we'd known each other in person for this long I would likely be completely comfortable with it and laughed it off. I'm pretty sure it's just because we haven't met in person and I have that little worry about whether he's really looking for someone to settle down with like he says or if he's just a guy looking for a piece of ass.

Just your typical Sunday evening...

You know, discussing with your best friend via text message what musician you'd rather be dry humped by and why. Oh, and by dry humping we meant dancing with. Her pick was Justin Timberlake - she likes his rhythm. Mine, of course, was Caleb Followill - I figure he may have a slow southern rock type of dry humping, but it sure would be nice!

On to better topics ~ So cranky that I skipped the last two nights of NaBloPoMo! However, yesterday I spent 9 hours with my friend Carla and her son Jayson for his engagement party. He's the sweetest guy ever and if he was about 7 years older I would have snatched him up for myself ;) But instead I just try to watch out for him from time to time like he's a little brother. A little brother that likes to freak dance like he's dry humping me lol! (hence the later conversation with my tbff) I'm a little ummm...(how should I say this nicely?)...worried about the engagement. It's beyond a whirlwind romance and he's the kind of guy that could handle (read: put up with) just about anything in a relationship. I got the feeling last night that she was seeing several sides of him that she hadn't before and I'm just hoping that she doesn't break his heart. However, I'll do my best to stay positive - I even pulled her aside and gave a little advise last night - and hope that they can prove everyone who's questioning their day and a half long relationship wrong. Either way, my worry for him is much more focused on the fact that he's headed to Afghanistan - as long as he makes it home safely from there everything else will be cake.

So, I'm seriously considering making an appointment with an ENT specialist to see about having my tonsils removed. This whole tonsil stone situation sucks. It's been annoying all my life but for the last several months it's been much worse - like, an almost daily occurrence. While I know that alone is not a reason to have them removed, I also think they may have an involvement with my sleep apnea since they've been increasing in size. Which means I should probably schedule that appointment with my sleep doctor first and then see what he thinks about it.

Awwww Snap!

Looks like I know where I'll be at 4am two weeks from tomorrow!

Target's Black Friday ad was leaked yesterday! My shopping list is long and I'm determined to get everything on it.

Wii Fit Plus Bundle for $67 - I don't even have a Wii yet but I want one really bad!
Satin PJ's for $10
Sweaters for $9

Plus they always have awesome deals on tons of DVD's and CD's

Still deciding on...

40" LCD HDTV for $298
Sony Blu-Ray player for $99
10pc Kitchenaid nonstick cookset for $100

So, honestly, what would you do?

For the last hour I've listened to my next door neighbors yelling off and on. There's been a lot of loud noises and bangs against the wall that have actually shook my pictures. Now, sometimes they have loud parties so for the first while I couldn't tell for sure what was going on. Now I know that they were fighting, and I'm pretty sure those loud bangs were her getting shoved in to the wall. I stood at my front door for awhile listening while she stood outside and he stood in the doorway yelling at her to come look at what she did to the door. I have to admit, it brought back some pretty bad memories. When she yelled back "Why should I come look? No! You're just going to hit me if I come up there!" I opened my door. I asked her if she needed to call someone, and told her that even though my place was a mess she could come in if she wanted. She said she was okay - I knew she was just embarrassed. I told her I've been in her situation before. I understood. He opened the door again and started yelling before he realized I was there. I told him I wasn't trying to get involved - at which point he interrupted me and said "Yeah, I bet you tryin' to sleep huh? Lookit what she did to my door!" and I said that no, actually I just had been in their situation before and the best thing for them to do right now would be to go their separate ways for the night and talk it out tomorrow when they were both calmed down. She made it all the way down the stairs while I was talking and last I saw he was back inside and she was walking out of the parking lot talking on her cell phone.

Now - what would you do?

If I call the cops for a domestic violence situation honestly they won't do much. I should know - when I lived in West Seattle with my ex multiple neighbors called the cops one night on us and since we both said nothing physical happened the cops didn't do anything.

If I complain to the COA since this couple are renters and not homeowners they will likely know it was me (though I suppose it could be the lady that lives below our units). They have a daughter so putting a family out of a home isn't really something I want to do and obviously would have little to no effect on the whole violence issue.

Was my little interruption of advice enough? It did get her out of harms way - at least for tonight. What should I do if it happens again?

Can't Say Much

What's the saying - if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all? I think for tonight I'll keep my mouth shut and wait until I have more answers. All I know is there needs to be some definite changes in the near future and, as I've always said, you can't expect anything to change if no one else knows anything is wrong.

On a positive note - looks like the guy from the dating site and I are going out for drinks next week!

So far...not so good.

Okay, seriously, I need to start doing something more with this whole losing weight thing. One thing that I want to do is make a list of my breakfast, lunch, and dinner choices and then plan out my week of meals. I think not having ideas already ready for me is part of what ends up with me eating take out or crappy food. If I had a breakfast planned in advance then I probably wouldn't be so tempted by the pastry case at Starbucks. If I had a lunch ready to easily pack it wouldn't end up being a choice of Pamela's (Mac n' Cheese or French Dip), Courthouse (Grilled Cheese, Chix Strips, or Burger), or Westlake (Pizza or Sesame Chicken). If I had a dinner planned with ingredients bought and waiting for me at home it wouldn't be so easy to go to a drive-thru or pick up a frozen pizza. So, for the next couple days I'm going to brainstorm a list of ideas for each meal so I can mix and match them each day. Any thoughts?

Brrr!

It was downright cold today! The day started sunny and beautiful, but as it went on it was sooo cold. Working at my Sunday job often involves shifts of 20-40 minutes outside. Luckily I can come inside and warm up over the iron between times outside but it can get pretty darn chilly. We're trying to do as much outside work as possible now before winter really starts, especially since they keep saying that this is going to be the worst winter in Seattle in decades. This way we can have extra stock prepared to sew when its snowy out instead of me having to go outside and cut in a blizzard!

Well, that guy emailed me back this morning, I wrote back to him before I went to work, he wrote me back tonight, and I answered him when I got home :) ...I'm thinking after the next round of emails I'll ask if he'd like to meet up this week for coffee or drinks or something. I like to talk a little bit before meeting to have an idea of if we're a good match, but don't want to talk so much that it builds up in to something that can't possibly live up to my expectations.

Time to snuggle under the covers and get some sleep!

Just Another Saturday

I don't really feel like I have much to say tonight...

I finally took my car in to get all the stuff done I've been putting off - oil change, tires rotated, transmission fluid replaced, new air filter, wipers replaced, headlight replaced, brake light replaced, stereo fixed. I took my laptop with me and my flash drive full of orders from work that needed to be prepped :) It ended up being the perfect thing - their wifi was down so if I'd just brought my laptop I would have been bored out of my head. Plus it took the perfect amount of time - I worked on a couple, then talked to my mom for awhile, and I finished up the final set of orders just when the guy came out to tell me everything was ready.

It's my favorite day of the year! Well, maybe third favorite behind Christmas and my birthday...it's the end of daylight savings which means I get a free extra hour of sleep!!!

I contemplated texting the guy I was talking to last night, but honestly I don't really like to give my phone # to someone without knowing more about them. So, instead I just sent him a short email asking about his work schedule. I didn't want to seem too eager/desperate but I did want him to know that I am interested in talking more and potentially meeting. He did make a few comments during our chat that put me off a little - he said he hoped he hadn't offended me and I said no, because he hadn't, but just that it wasn't a usual subject for a first conversation. I can slightly understand where he was coming from, a lot of the questions they have for you to answer can be pretty out there so it wasn't totally off base. It was something I'd said about myself and put out there in public, so I can't fault him for that.

Well, off to bed - cheers to getting extra z's!

Well that was interesting...

I had kind of a blah day today and was feeling a little depressed on the way home from work tonight. When I checked my email though I had a message from a guy on okcupid! I went online, checked out his profile, and he actually seemed like someone with potential! So, I messaged him back and then continued to look around on the site. After a couple minutes he popped up in a chat window saying hi - we talked for about an hour and a half and he even gave me his phone # before he said goodnight. We'll see where it goes, could be nothing - could be something. As long as he doesn't take me to build-a-bear if we go out then I'm good!

I'm feeling just a little...

Frustrated.
Annoyed.
Cranky.
Depressed.
Anxious.
Tired.

It shouldn't take this much work to help someone do their job. It's frustrating and even slightly annoying. When is it time to just give up and let it be? And when does common sense kick in? I know I have high expectations, but I feel like it should be easier than this.

I seriously need to call my doctor. Back in March I went on Yaz to try and help with my PMDD but stopped having my "monthly visit". I still had the physical symptoms though which got worse each month as I went longer and longer without a period. Well, that got a little annoying so a couple months ago I went off the Yaz and everything got back to normal...and my emotional symptoms got right back to where they were before the Yaz too. Seriously, there needs to be some kind of happy medium because feeling like crap emotionally for 10 days of the month really sucks.

I also need to meet with my sleep doctor. Half the time I can't remember to take both doses of my awake medicine. When I only take one I'm uber-tired by 5 or 6. When I take both then here I am awake at 12:45 tired but can't fall asleep. When you're required to get 9 hours of sleep at night it really doesn't work out that well. Lord knows I'll probably only get 6 tops tonight.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

This is from a few months ago in Boston, but since the walk in New York next June is part of what is motivitating my change in taking care of my health I thought they would be perfect for today's theme.

A little bit better

On my quest to eating better and working out more I'm starting with baby steps.

My previous morning drink from Starbucks was a Grande non-fat no-whip peppermint mocha - weighing in at 280 calories and 3g fat.

I've switched to a Grande non-fat no-whip (sometimes *light* whip) hot chocolate - only 240 calories and 2.5g fat

It's a teeny-tiny difference, but it's a step and it's cheaper too. I'm going to try and cut down to not every day after awhile, but it's such a social activity at work and I have so many friends working there as well that it makes it hard to not just stop in every morning. The main thing I need to do is stop buying breakfast at Starbucks! Holy crap have you looked at the nutritional information for their food?? But, somehow, even though I know how many WW points that croissant would cost me it's still so hard to say no when it's staring at me from inside the pastry case.

My other baby steps for today:

• At lunch I ordered the Grilled Cheese and Tomato Basil soup. I only ate a few bites of the soup and dipped my sandwich in it because the amount of heavy cream in that soup is atrocious!
• We took a field trip today so I did take a short walk through downtown. Not really exercise, but I moved more than I normally would have.
• On my way home from work I wanted nothing more than to just drive through a fast food place or pick up a pizza at Little Caesars because I did not want to cook or have to wait to eat. Instead I convinced myself to go to Fred Meyer and pick up a few things and made myself a semi-"nutritious" dinner of chicken tenders on southern biscuits. Again, obviously not the *best* choice of meals but considering my original wants it's much better than what I would have ended up with at Wendy's or Jack In The Box.
• Drinking more water! I've been realllly bad for the past week on the amount of water I've been drinking. Today I drank 3 bottles so that's 6 servings. Not quite the suggested 8, but again it's all about the baby steps.

A new path for NaBloPoMo!

For the next month I am going to attempt to participate in NaBloPoMo ~ National Blog Posting Month ~ by writing a blog every single damn day! However, instead of my usual subjects of work, love, and random bits of poetry, I'm going to write about my wins and struggles during my first month of getting back in Shape. Today is November 1st. In just over 6 months, May 21st in fact, I will turn 30. I don't want to be this size, weight, or have my physical activity limited by those when my birthday comes. In just 7 months, June 4th, the Out of the Darkness Overnight walk will take place in New York city. I'm determined to participate, and have not yet decided wether I'd like to walk or work on the crew again. Either way, I'd like to have the choice of walking open and that is only possible with shedding weight and getting myself back in shape.

I plan to do my own version of Weight Watchers and am going to start working out on the elliptical. It will take some time to get everything on track and I'm sure I'll have set backs and times where I fall off the path. I just need to keep reminding myself - a U-turn is better than no turn. Or should I say pulling a whippy?

Unfortunately it takes something like this...

to get me writing again!

Lately with the sudden rash of teenage suicides in the news I have been feeling a pull to get more involved in the AFSP or TWLOHA. Pretty much anyone who knows me knows that I have suffered from depression and suicidal tendencies since the age of 12 or so. Well, I'm about to confess to something that only 4 people know about. I never even told any of my numerous shrinks that I've had over the years. Heck, my sister who is pretty much the only person that reads this doesn't even know. (Sorry sissy!)

For years I cut myself.

It wasn't an every day thing. It wasn't even an every month thing. It was a way of relief when I was so stressed out and the anxiety was too overwhelming. It was something I had control over, and somehow it helped me get through. I want to be perfectly clear that this was not a drastic I need to see my insides and see the blood to know I'm alive type of thing. Quite frankly I'm pretty squeamish when it comes to blood and pain so I would go as lightly as I could stand and still get the release of having control. I'm happy to say that I've been able to fight off the urge and am not currently using this as a means of comfort during hard times. I want to be strong and to be a good role model for my niece and nephew. And I want to help other kids.

I'm not really sure how to do this, it's going to take a bit of research. I don't have the psychological background that most places require for you to actually talk to kids in need even though that's what I feel I might be best at. I want them to see that you can make it through and live a (relatively) normal life. That being "crazy" doesn't make you less of a person, it might just make you more interesting.

Part of what prompted this blog is what happened tonight. Tonight I reposted my personal ad on craigslist. Still not thinking I'll find much, but who knows. The first time the only hate email I got just told me I was fat. Duh, I already know this - you're not telling me anything new. And besides, I got multiple emails telling me how great my boobs looked and only one saying I was fat lol. The hate email that I received tonight was on a much more dangerous level. It read simply:

Go kill ur self. one less fat girl in this state. You people make me sick.

Well, Carl was dumb enough to use his real email address. I'm guessing this may be the reason he only has 8 facebook friends. And of course, I reported him to yahoo for abuse.

To be honest, during the first half-second after I read that I wanted nothing more than to make the pain go away. But I know better. I know that Carl is dumb. I know that my last boyfriend S. couldn't get enough of me. That even if he didn't turn out to be LTR material, he thought I was beautiful and sexy and remembering that gives me more confidence at this size. Of course I'd like to be thinner, for multiple reasons, but I don't think that losing weight should be a prerequisite to finding a boyfriend.

Basically I suppose, to sum it up - I feel stronger where I am now, even if I don't fit in with the social norms. I want everyone to know I'm okay, and I want to help everyone who isn't.

The Path Is A Little Twisted...But I'm On It

When I first started this job 3 years ago I thought my goal was to get over to the private label design side even though my style is not the same as theirs. I figured I wouldn't want to actually design for any of the lines, but would enjoy doing production liaison work or as a technical designer. I really do love putting together spec packages and doing technical sketches and all that...Earlier this year however I was told that wouldn't be a possibility. I had a mini informational interview and was told that because I had gone to school for design so long ago and had been out of the design side for so many years that my education was "irrelevant". I was happy to hear that it had nothing to do with the fact that I never graduated, but definitely a little frustrated that what I'd thought I wanted to do was no longer an option.

Then I got to thinking...I love my job. And while I don't want to stay in my current position forever, the majority of what I do is actually the responsibilities of an Assistant Buyer - I just don't have the title or pay. I also started thinking that maybe I kept feeling like I should go over to the private labels because it was what I went to school for so it's what I *should* do when really I'd rather stay where I am. Since I've made Assistant Buyer my new job goal I've been so much happier and focused and everything.

After talking it over with my boss, her boss, etc etc while the job can't be "promised" to me I am now on the path to that position which should likely be added next year. So next week I have a few test days working in one of our retail stores because the path requires that I leave my office and go work in a store making my way up to Department Manager. Now, most people would probably say Wait - If you're already doing the job why can't you just get the promotion? Well, because that's the way it is. At first I was frustrated, even slightly angry about it...But now I've come to terms with it, and for however long it takes I'll just live on my credit cards if need be because being in the store means relying on commission. The end result is going to be sooooooo worth it though. :)

Again, while the job can't be promised, my boss is already continually making comments like "this is why I need you to come back!" and I've had multiple people question what she's going to do without me. Not to brag or sound boastful, but I honestly really don't know the answer to that. I know our department so well and know her and how she likes things done to perfection. There is so much information in my head that it will be nearly impossible to write a manual for my job or train someone to do everything that I do.

So, wish me luck on this crazy journey...I'm excited and scared and am hoping for the best!

The Best Things in Life Don't Come Easy

Can everything please just go according to the little plans I make in my head for awhile? I'm getting a little tired of all the twists and turns. I think I have something figured out and then whoops, nope, here's a curve ball to throw everything out of whack. Job, money, life, love...it's all been a giant rollercoaster this year when I was looking forward to a nice smooth ride on the merry-go-round.

Oh the anticipation...

So, my mommy gets in town tomorrow night. Now 99.9% of me is uber-excited and happy but then there's that teensy part of me that is dreading it. There was so much I wanted to get done before she got here and none of it got accomplished.

For some reason over the past 5-7 years or so my mom has become a little umm...weight obsessed. On the one hand I know that she's just trying to be helpful and is worried about me or whatever but it really is not a good thing. Plus, giving "tips" and complaining about her own weight (omg she gained .4 pounds this week! - yes, that's point four) isn't that encouraging to hear for someone who is an emotional eater. I get stressed about my weight from some of the things she says and then I just eat more. Last time I saw her was at Christmas - directly after 2 weeks of swine flu and not eating solid foods. I'd lost 12 pounds in 7 days and she kept telling me to watch what I was eating because I was going to gain it back. Well, of course I did because I lost all of it being *deathly ill* but now I've gained even more. Honestly (and this is a little scary to say out loud) I currently weigh the most I ever have in my life. :( I really just don't want her to say *anything* to me about it the entire time she is here because I know it'll just send me over the edge...

I also wanted to get my hair cut and re-dyed. Not really sure why I felt the need to get it done before she saw me, just wanted to.

Lastly, I really wanted to get my house put together a little more. It currently looks like a clutter factory exploded, and again I know she'll give her helpful tips about 10 minute tidies and all. Now, she truly does have good advice when it comes to that but I think she just doesn't understand my lifestyle when it comes to this kind of thing. There are only 24 hours in a day - I'm required to get 9 hours of sleep by my sleep doctor, and between the moment I wake up and the moment I get home from work is usually 11 hours. That leaves me four hours each night to relax, cook dinner, do laundry, watch a little tv, try to clean a little and try (TRY) to exercise...when really all I want to do with that entire 4 hours is slump on the couch and do nothing. I have noticed though that this Provigil is really starting to work so hopefully I can start making more use of that 4 hours.

Well, I'm sure it'll all be fine I just need to remember to stand my ground and remind her I'm doing the best I can.

All the Difference in the World

It's almost a little amazing how much better I feel now that I know. My mind is clear, my smile isn't forced, I feel better than I have in months...and all practically overnight.

Sunday *the boy* mysteriously showed up on my doorstep. Over four months since he moved to California, and I hadn't heard a word from him in all that time. I was telling him that he had no idea how much he'd hurt and destroyed me during that time...he was looking pretty upset himself and said "You don't know how I feel". I just said "So tell me, you've never told me" and he said those three words I'd been longing to hear and wondering if he felt for so long. He was only in town until that night when he had to leave to drive back to San Diego. We made plans for him to come over after he was done packing - supposed to be around 5 or 6 that night.

After he left I cried. Hard. I had no idea what to do or what it all meant. I'd spent the last four months missing him so much and so very in love with a ghost. Every night when I got home I'd look to see if his car was there. Any time I heard someone coming up the stairs my heart would skip a beat and I'd hold my breath waiting to hear the persistent knocking that was his signature.

But, as per usual, he never came back Sunday night. Just hours before he'd said that he loved me, and then didn't bother to show up. But here's the weird thing, I didn't even cry. I didn't cry because this is exactly what I needed - it gave me the closure I'd desperately been seeking since he left. I believe him that he loves me, in the way that he is able. But I now know that he isn't capable of being there for me the way that I need. Previously I could always give him the excuse that his mom had just passed away so he was distraught, that he was on drugs so couldn't be expected to function properly...but this time there was no excuse to give for not showing up. He just didn't do it.

Monday morning I woke up with a smile on my face. In the back of my mind a little part of me wonders if the shit is gonna hit the fan, but not yet it seems. I think I just needed to hear those three words, to know that he does care and love me and it was all real. And to know that there was just no way for it to work out, I no longer have to wonder "what if?"...

Countdown to 30...

So, I am exactly two months away from my 29th birthday. Which, of course, makes me just over a year away from the dreaded 30. I know most people don't see 30 as that big of a deal anymore, but when I figured I'd be married with two kids by the age of 23...well, being 30, single, and childless is kinda stressing. Also, I'm just not entirely happy with where my life is. Sooo, here's my hope for motivation - during the next two months I'm going to try to come up with everything that I would have control over accomplishing by the time I'm 30. I say what I have control over because obviously I can't make a marriage happen or the market pick up so I can sell my place. But I can put myself out there more once I'm ready again and I can work on my place so that when the market is ready so am I. Some of the things I already know to put on the list are to get back in shape, eat better, make more time for *me*, etc. Once I have it all put together I'll post it on here and give periodic updates. Even though no one reads this (except for you sissy lol!) having it as "public" knowledge may help me to be a little more accountable...

Deep Thoughts

Well, not really. I just don't have one big subject I'm ready to write about right now so I thought I'd go for a bunch of little tidbits...

I desperately need to take a day off from work. I can tell I'm getting a little more stressed out than I should be right now. As always, I only have Saturdays off but the last few Saturdays haven't really been "mine". Now, I enjoyed how I spent them but this past Saturday was at my step-niece's 1st birthday party and the week before I was babysitting the bean. The week before that was something too but I can't quite remember...Anyways, I don't know why but I am also so nervous to ask my boss for a day off if I'm not actually going out of town or doing something big. She's never said no and I don't think she ever would say no unless I asked for the day that we had a big meeting or something. So, I neglected to ask her today before I left work and she flies to NY in the morning. I'm thinking though that after I see how much I get done tomorrow I can email her asking if it would be okay to take Friday off. Plus I sometimes feel a little *too* responsible for my department - as in I feel like I shouldn't take a day off when she's in the office because she might need me but I also feel like I shouldn't take a day off when she's out of the office because then there is no one there to take care of whatever issues might come up. I'm not even sure how much PTO I have so I should check that tomorrow too.


I got another stupid parking ticket. Same "violation" this time of blocking access. I am, of course, fighting this one as well and have the perfect reasoning that last time the judge agreed that there is nothing there to block access to and I guess I just won't park there anymore. I'm going to contest this one by mail though because I really don't feel like sitting in a courtroom for two hours.


I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to pay my bills this month. See, I always get paid on the 4th and the 19th which is just well and dandy but because of the way the days fell in February this year that means there was only 9 days in this pay-period instead of the usual 11 or so. I'm sure I'll just end up borrowing some money from Claudia and then taking home some extra work to pay it off, but that then contributes to the working too much = being stressed out thing.


I need to get a resume put back together. I'm not sure what happened to the one I used for the job I have now but I really wish I could've found it. There aren't any openings at this point that I'm interested in but I'd like to be prepared if something comes up. Trying to remember what years I went to what schools though and how to word what I do and all that is hard.


I kinda feel like my brain isn't functioning right. See, I'm an amazing typist. Really, like I just took a test and wasn't trying super-duper hard and got 83 words a minute with no mistakes. But lately I'm not typing the right words. I know what I want to say but my fingers are going to different keys. Usually it's a variation on the word that I started to type and most people might not think it's anything unusual but I'm generally so accurate that it's kinda freaking me out. Probably just another part of that whole stress thing!


Well, the doctor has ordered me to get 9 hours of sleep every night which I'm thinking isn't enough because I am now dog tired vs before I was just really tired. Before some nights I'd only get 8 (or rarely only 6) but then on Friday nights I'd get 15 or so. Now I know you can't really catch up on sleep, but only getting 9 has got me so worn out. I'm starting to fall asleep driving, on the bus, etc and I'm supposed to be doing this 9 hour thing for another month and a half! I need to call and ask him about this "Periodic Limb Movement Disorder" diagnosis though so maybe I'll mention that I don't think 9 hours is working and see what he says.

Off to sleep so I can wake up at 8!

if my life was made into a movie of the week most people would find it too unbelievable.

it hurts

i feel a literal pain in my chest where my broken heart is. sometimes it hurts so much i can hardly breathe.

i wish it was friday so i could just cry and not have to worry about having puffy eyes at work the next day.

*grumble*

Here's your fair warning. This entire blog is various rants and complaints.


Dear Next Door Neighbor,

I'm very happy for you that you finally took down your Christmas tree. Thank you for sharing it with me by leaving pine needles all over our shared front deck and on each and every stair. Also, thank you for the lovely broken candy cane pieces. If I'm hungry I know where to go. You see, one of the reasons I have a fake tree instead of a real one is that I don't like pine needles tracked all over my house. So maybe, pretty please, you could SWEEP UP THE FUCKING NEEDLES CUZ THEY'RE STICKING TO MY SHOES AND GETTING EVERYWHERE.

********************

Dear Arm & Hammer,

I think it's great when a company continues to try and improve their products for their customers. Like adding ammonia to your kitty litter to help with the smell. The problem is, for some reason ever since you've started producing your "new and improved" litter it doesn't clump anymore. Now, I've considered the possibility that my cat has started making different urine, but in all likelihood it's actually that the ammonia has somehow effected the clumping properties of your litter. But I suppose that's good news for you because then a customer goes through twice as much litter in the same time period so you'll sell more boxes. This is until they figure it out and start buying Tidy Cat. Guess what I just bought at Target tonight?

********************

Dear Sound Transit,

Do you know the driver of the 510 that picks up at 6th & Olive at 7:30pm is an asshole? At the very least he is always 10 minutes late. On Monday he arrived at the exact same time as the 8:00pm bus. He is rude and unfriendly. He is probably the worst driver I've ever ridden with. When he pulls off at 45th and 145th he guns it into the exits and then slams on his brakes at the stop. I have literally fallen off of my seat before. He is also the only driver I ever get bus-sick with because of his ridiculous driving habits. Once when traffic was backed up on I-5 he drove on the shoulder for a distance until the room ran out so he could get ahead of as many cars as possible. Please fire this angry little man. I think we would all be a lot happier.

*******************

Dear Mom,

You were right. I've gained back 10 of the 12 pounds I lost being sick. But hey, at least I didn't put on any holiday weight.