Meh.

So I had my first date with the guy tonight. He doesn't even get a good nickname like every other guy I've had even only one date with. Mainly because he was boring.

He was nice enough, and there weren't really any lulls in the conversation...there just wasn't any chemistry on my side. There was no spark. He was very...plain. He had a pretty bad comb-forward (as in back to front instead of across). He was clearly at least 3" shorter than he said he was. Which, frankly, is really effing annoying. I honestly don't care how tall a guy is - my high school boyfriend was several inches shorter than me. But don't tell me that you're 6'1" and then think I won't be able to figure out you're really 5'11". I'm 5'7" and I was taller than you and I sure as hell wasn't wearing 7" heels!

There were a few points in the conversation where I just realized we were from two different places. At one point I mentioned a guy I know and his partner. He interrupted me and said "Business partner or...partner..............partner?" You could tell he was pretty uncomfortable with a partner partner situation. He also talked about politics and that his only problems with politicians are with their moral issues. Like, the things that bothered him the most about George W. was that he did coke and didn't serve his National Guard time. I'm sorry, but there are a helluva lot more things that went wrong with that administration!

He also doesn't like to dress up for Halloween. Thinks more women should wear miniskirts in Seattle. Has never been inside a Starbucks.

I just felt like we came from two different worlds - he'd make a nice friend but definitely not boyfriend material.

~*pissed*~

I can't believe he stood me up. I mean, yes, it's been a week since I've seen/spoken to him. But we made plans - I was pretty fucking clear. "Next Wednesday you're coming over after work and we're hanging out." No excuse. Even if for some reason he got off work uber-late or had to take care of his mom from the chemo or something...fucking give in and call me and do the decent thing to let me know. Sadly, this doesn't take my feelings completely off the table. I still of course really like him and care about him, I'm just pissed and my feelings are hurt. All I can say is hopefully I'll see him tomorrow so I can tell him what he did and find out wtf happened.

*sigh*

Somehow I'm always screwing up the possibilities of a relationship. I shouldn't jump ahead of myself I suppose, in fact that's what I always do that ruins things so maybe I really haven't done anything yet. Ugh. Unfortunately there's no real way to know until tomorrow. The thing is, I actually really like this guy. I mean, it's just barely been over a week and I'm falling head over heels for him and screwing it up at the same time. I don't know how to handle a guy actually being nice to me. Granted, my previous relationships started out nice - otherwise they wouldn't have lasted as long as they did. But, in the end, every guy turned in to an asshole. I've been unknowingly cheated with, cheated on, and abused in every way (physically, emotionally, and yes...technically the other). I went through years of counseling and finally realised that I deserved better and that I can be with someone who wants me for me, not as someone to take care of them or just be there for them to use. But now that I'm dating, or whatever it is we're doing, a guy who actually opens doors, pulls out chairs, thinks I'm beautiful...basically everything that a girl could want...well, I'm just waiting for the shit to hit the fan. It's making me hold back when all I really should be doing is enjoying this and trusting myself and opening up to trusting him. And then I did it. I pulled the move that will most likely send him running. Last week on our first actual date he asked me what my biggest flaw was (yes, he had interesting questions all night). I told him I was messy. Like, really messy. And I am, but it generally comes and goes in phases. Well, tonight I texted him that I realized that my biggest flaw is not that I'm messy, but that I'm so used to having assholes in my life that when an awesome guy is right in front of me I'm still waiting for something to go wrong. I said that hopefully it didn't weird him out because I like him and that now that I know that's what I was doing I'm going to stop. So there's basically two ways this can turn out. Either he'll realize that I really like him and was just a little gun-shy, or he'll take it the wrong way and decide I must have too much baggage and he won't want to deal with it. I probably shouldn't have even said anything at all. And now I will spend the next 10 hours wondering how much I fucked this up.