A few days...

and still hurt. I haven't seen or heard from him in a week and a half. I'm done for now. I can't try to make a relationship with someone who apparently isn't able to include *me* with the things that are important in his life. Honestly, I think he forgot. I seriously think that he actually forgot that we had plans for Wednesday. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. On the one hand it means that he didn't intentionally stand me up, on the other hand I'd been looking forward to it for a week and that would mean he had never given it a second thought. And if he did forget there is the slight explanation that we made plans on the 2nd - he then went on vacation for 4 days, has a lot going on with his family (mom, ex-wife, daughter, etc.) and a huge project at work that'd been keeping him there for 10 hour days. We didn't see or talk to each other between the time we made the plans and the actual night of the "date"...so I can kinda-sorta-maybe see how a guy with a lot on his mind might forget without a reminder. *However* this is all the more reason for him to get a goddam fucking phone and even if he forgot that night, he should've remembered by now since he hasn't seen me since the 2nd!

I'm giving him absolutely no excuse for not showing up or not calling me on Wednesday, however the rest of what's gone on between us has blame on both sides. He said we needed to start over and take it slower and be friends and I wasn't happy with that and kept pushing for more. Yes, he would randomly show up on my doorstep - but half the time I jumped on him so it wasn't just him showing up to get laid. He was actually even the one who said we should *stop* sleeping together. But being a girl, sex gets me more emotionally involved...I just didn't stop to realize that guys don't really work the same way. I didn't want to stop or slow down either because I was freaked out about the fact that I had slept with him. Here's my dirty little secret - before him, I'd never slept with someone I wasn't in love with. Yes, I'm old fashioned. Yes, I'm a bit naive. But it really messed with my head that I could've slept with someone and then had it turn into nothing so I was desperate to make it something significant as quickly as possible.

I'm not saying he deserves or will get a second chance. I won't know that until I see him next and find out what he thinks happened. He'd have to do a lot to earn my trust again...which brings up another problem. Since I'm such an open book about everything in my life with my friends, they now all pretty much hate him. So, if by some crazy chance we do end up giving it another shot I'm not sure if anyone will really be accepting of it or if they'll all just think I'm lame and he's an asshole.