Bleh...just writing it out...

So, it's been just over a month since I met "the boy". It seems like so much longer, and I feel absolutely insane. Here I am falling incredibly hard for a guy that I'm not even with right now. It's been so hard and I feel like it shouldn't be so very difficult at the beginning of something like this. Obviously, what he is going through is much worse than my own stupid insecurities and it's not like either of us could have had any idea that a bomb like this would be dropped so shortly after meeting one another...On the one hand, I can see the look on his face when he talks to me. I feel in my gut that he's being honest when he says that he wants to do this right. That he wants to be in a relationship with me but that because of everything else the timing isn't right. On the other hand, if any girlfriend of mine was telling me all of this I'd say she was crazy to wait around. I feel horrible because I feel like I'm waiting for his mother to die to be able to be together. And then when she's gone he'll probably be too devastated to be in a relationship. It's so complicated and messed up and if I didn't have this crazy gut instinct that this is real that this could be "it" then I wouldn't even be thinking so hard about it all. There's just some weird special connection there. I know I always fall hard and fast and am thinking that any guy I talk to for more than a day could be "the one" but this is different. I didn't even feel this way so quickly about my last ex. The first week and a half was perfect and he even confessed to me too that there's just something extra there between us. He was (and still is) incredibly sweet. Told me the first day he met me that he was going to court me. The next day we saw each other and he said that he had a song stuck in his head and didn't know where it came from because he hadn't heard it in forever. Then he started goofily singing to me "Loooving you is easy cuz you're beautiful na na na na na..." and on and on. Some people might think that's a little weird, but to me it was incredibly sweet and cute and it made me smile. I want that part back. I want the us holding hands and me leaning my head on his shoulder and him coming over to my car to kiss me as soon as I get out at the P&R. I want it to be easy again.