Bleh.

I don't know what's with me today. I'm depressed, tired, feeling all around blah. Maybe it's stress from work because we have our Planning Meetings next week. Maybe it's exhaustion from working too much. There were a lot of long days this past week to get caught up after being on vacation. It's probably just a mixture of it all. Either way I basically slept the entire day today. I went to bed at 10pm Friday night which is at least 2 hours earlier than I normally would have. I woke up at 9:30, went online for a bit, and then went back to bed. I got up again at 5:30, and likely only because my sissy sent me a text message and the chime woke me up. This time I managed to stay awake for an hour and a half before I climbed back upstairs and got in bed. I woke up at 10:30 and debated for a few minutes whether I should just roll over and go back to sleep or actually get up. But I was thirsty, needed to take my meds, and should probably eat something so up I am. But now that I've completed those tasks I feel like I want to get back under the covers. I have so much that needs to get done in life and no energy on the weekends to do it. I think it may be time to cut back on my weekend working. Which is sad to me, I've worked there for 10 years and not seeing them every week would be a big change. But, the other girl I work with is interested in taking on more hours and more responsibilities so it is kind of perfect timing. Perhaps I should just make sure to schedule off one Sunday a month leading up to holiday time. Holiday is usually too busy of a time for taking days off so I'll have to play that by ear. However, once February comes around it tends to slow down again so I could start having weekends again. Only having one day off a week tends to make parts of my life fall apart. I don't want to clean or run errands after work which leaves everything to Saturday. But it's my one day off so I want to relax and not have responsibilities...which just makes everything pile up until it's incomprehensible where to start and how to get it all done. I've been trying to take more time for me, but it's not working out so well. The best I've done at that was to actually take vacation from work which while it doesn't sound like much is actually a huge deal. I never used to take more than a day or two off unless it was Christmas and I took a full week off in May and again in September.

*yawn*

I think I'm done writing now. Time for bed.

Becoming a New Me

For pretty much all my life I’ve been “the creative one”. I’ve never been athletic or outdoorsy. I can remember in elementary school I was (for some unknown reason) on the track team. My one event was the softball throw - the kiddo version of the shot-put. At a district meet, after I threw my softball one of the coaches tried to take me over to where they were running the relay race. The team was short a kid and they wanted me to take the place even though I‘d never run a relay before. I instantly burst into tears and ran off the field to my mom.

On the other hand, my sister has always been athletic. She ran track and cross country all through school, and in her twenties started doing kung fu and quickly worked her way up the belts. She’s two years older than me, so my sophomore year of high school was her senior year. Apparently her coaches were under the impression that I would be coming in as her replacement. The first time I saw one of them I was greeted with the comment “So, Little J! Are you ready for the season?!?” Yeah, not so much. For me the only reason to run is if someone is chasing me.

That doesn’t mean I refuse to get up and move. I enjoy doing charity walks which are usually a 5K or 3K, and in 2008 I even walked 17 miles through Seattle for the AFSP Out of the Darkness Overnight. I started doing water aerobics a couple years ago and while there have been periods of time where I stopped it is something I really like.

Back in January I broke my foot which led to 3 and a half months without walking, and 8 months after the accident I’m still in recovery. I think those 3 and a half months of not being able to move on my own triggered a need for action. Like not being able to do anything is making me want to do everything. Actually, it was probably that plus turning 30! Now I’m excited to get up and work out and just plain do something! Not to say I’ll ever be a runner, somehow I don’t think I’d ever find that enjoyable. Plus, with "the girls" I’m likely to give myself a black eye! But I’m wanting to try all sorts of new things. I’ve started back up with water aerobics twice a week and trying to work out at home at least twice a week…but I want more. I want to try kayaking. I want to hike, and camp, and learn how to really swim. And, the reason I want to learn how to swim is because I want to surf. I don't see myself jumping into the frigid waters off Washington, but I hope that someday I'll actually make it to Hawaii and I'll be sure to find some big kahuna to teach me :) The idea of rock climbing intrigues me. Not on a mountain, on a wall. But quite frankly my fear of falling will probably stop that one from happening. I want to go horseback riding. Hot yoga is probably next on my list. And while that sounds the easiest and most relaxing it might be the one I’m most nervous about! I hear all the horror stories of fainting and vomiting and that just does not sound very appealing to me! But then I hear from friends that love it and are addicted to the cleansing feeling they get afterwards and it gets me excited to try it.

I’ve questioned myself if any of this new attitude has to do with the guy I’m crushing on who is Mr. Outdoor Activity, but I honestly think it doesn’t. I’ve never really been the kind of girl to absorb into a guy and take on his hobbies. R, my high school boyfriend, was a huge skateboarder - I tried once, fell on my ass, and was content to spend the rest of the time sitting on the sidewalk watching. H, who I was with from 18-24, spent nearly every weekend in the summers out at La Push surfing, and I never went once. He was in a dart league (not that that’s very athletic…) and I didn’t go to a single match. Wow, with H I kinda sound like a bitchy girlfriend. But while I had no interest in it, I was never really invited either.

So, here I am - 30, single, and full of a feeling of adventure! Wish me luck on my journey...